My Journey (in my mind)

My Journey with my father (in my mind)

It was all started long time ago right after my dad passed away. I got interesting and exhausted dreams. First, on the night when my dad died, I dreamed of people bowed their heads and typical towel as their veils (strange, the colours of the towel are the colours on my towel given by my mom)

Then, it was 4 o’clock in the morning when I heard someone knocked on my boarding house door. It was my older sister. Her eyes were red, which at that time I thought she was damn sleepy. She forced me to come with her to Jakarta. It was 1996 and I was in my short semester course. She said that dad was sick, so sick so that he needed his children to be around him.

I said no. I had never been close to my dad ever since I was born (which will change). He had been being sick and often got hospitalized. She insisted and started to put in my clothes to my bag.

It took 1 hour for us to get to our uncle’s house. On the way, she was holding my hands (which she never had done before) and asked me, “What if dad die?” Then I answered, “Well, it is our destiny to be left by dad. The God has taken him back and I am sure that everything will be all right.”

As soon as we reached our uncle’s house (why our uncle’s house? It is a long story), our uncle just burst out and held us.

Then, suddenly my sister burst out in tears and saying that dad’s dead. Well, OK. Dad’s dead. So what? (terrible daughter).

Second dream was when I was having a problem (too many problems I have no idea which was when and what). My dad came to my dream and challenged me if I could solve my problem. I could feel my hatred to him when he said that. How could he underestimate me? I am her daughter (am I?). Off course I can meet this challenge.

Third dream was quite long and exhausted. I was about to go for a journey and my aunt and my dad was letting me go. My dad asked me to find trees exactly like trees on the second floor of my aunt’s house.

The journey was at night when I went through a broken bridge with men on the right and left side. I was concentrating myself on my step so that I did not fall or slip. As I left the bridge behind, it was a daylight where trees are on my right and left side. It was a forest. It was quite long when suddenly I was sitting in a priest’s house crying and talking to the priest.

I was so relieved and I went back to my aunt’s house. I have put myself back to the bridge. It was worst then I saw before with few men on the right and left side. I kept concentrating on my step and I reached my aunt’s house. I gave my aunt 8 trees in pots. 5 trees were bigger and the other 3 were smaller.

My aunt was a bit disappointed yet she still took them and put them in a neck-height table in front.

The fourth dream was when I was in North Maluku (2003 – 2005) where he came to my dream and merely just standing looking at me saying nothing.

Years go by and I came to year 2005 where I started to work for Cordaid and I knew a person named Richard (later I call him Ki Gendut Pemangkas). I know him as a mystical and superstitious guy. He’s a nice guy, a good cook and a good bartender (he he he, thanks Richard).

He was saying that he could see things and causes yet not for himself (subjective reason). A year has passed and it’s 2006 when I started to work for Save the Children – US. Got some friends already like Cahyo and Boyox. Cahyo met me with a small wonderful person named Ucoq. I was really confused looking for a room since we got only one month to stay in Guest House.

Then, Ucoq met me to Popon, Adji and Mike. Ucoq is a psychologist, Popon is an adventurer, Adji is a mystical-pure-Javanese person and Mike is a fashionable beautiful-slim-with-light skin girl. We had dinner together (my first visit and it was found out that Adji often cooked for the ladies).

Didn’t feel like staying longer or spending the night at that house, I went back to Guest House. In the morning I got the news that a thief had come into the house and stole Mike’s money (her per diem and etc to go to Bangladesh). IDR 38,000,000.- was stolen!

No satisfying analysis from the police, then we came to alternative way. Psychics. Interesting to me, yet not for everybody. I started to talk more to Adji, Richard and Doddy (Richard’s brother in law). I started to ask of who the thief was, how can we caught them (them?) and ended with who my future husband was (hua ha ha ha).
It came to making an appointment for me to meet Doddy and Richard in
Medan.

Interesting talks. They found out that my father was a great person; my grandma had been guarding me, my future husband and I would make a family and living in
Kalimantan ; my future husband is mixed between chinese and … (ooops! I forgot to ask … mixed with St. Bernard?)

So many theories and sights about the thief. Too tiring for Popon and Ucoq (cepet sembuh ya, kakang mbok).

Tired of talking about the stealing, the topics were changed to me (why me?!). A person named “Abang Medan” (nama aslinya Raden Mas Rudin Syam – katanya sih). He said that my father was a king (woooow … gedubrak!).

Adji said that I was supposed to be a boy (how dare him! Banci kaleng dong gue). He urged me to do a walk to the past (getting more interesting here). After some thoughts, I said yes. He helped me to do it and abracadabra .. (sebenarnya nggak yakin sih apakah diriku melamun atau otakku sudah terbiasa dengan membuat cerita – kata Mas Adji sih di dunia kebatinan nggak ada bedanya .. hmmmm … tau ah .. lanjutin cerita aja ya?!).
I was asked to lay down on a mat, lights were off, aromatic sticks were lighted up and a candle was lit. Then, I was asked to concentrate on my breathing, then to flow my energy from toes to top and from top to toes. I was asked to thank my parts of the body and ask them to rest. Then the journey continues.

Read I as my mind: I was taken out of the house and started to walk through a green fields and plots, went along the stream and crossed a shallow river. Then I walked up a mountain, up and up and up with trees on my left and right side and the beautiful scenery down behind me. As I reached the top of the mountain I could see the earth, the sun and the planets. I also found out a palace with kinds of colours and there were two doors on the left side. I went inside it and I flew down through a black hole (sempet mikir kali gini ya orang mau masuk neraka .. he he he .. tapi nggak ada perasaan apa apa lho .. sempet ngebayangin dibawahku lahar) and it took me to an open field with yellowish and greenish grass. Mas Adji mentioned that I might see my mother, yet I only saw her in one second then gone. Then he asked me to go back to the time when I was a teenager (my high school memories came out – I met my friend Tajri); to go back to the time when I was still a kid (I saw myself small with wide forehead – alias jenong) and to go back to my mother’s womb. I felt nothing yet I could see that as a baby I already opened my eye looking at the light in the end of the long black tunnel. Then I saw nothing.

I came back to the greenfield, my dad came out from my far left side standing wearing white long sleeves that he rolled until his elbows, black belt and white trousers. I was wearing black v neck t-shirt and white shorts.

I started to go down the stairs with my dad on my right side holding my right arm. We started to go down and on and on when we suddenly come to a dead end where cliffs below. Then we flew. Go down and down and down and my dad showed me a place where Irian people were looking above to us in front of their rumbia houses. Then we flew again and we come to a white-stoned road where nobody around (though, I tried very hard to put images of people along the road). Then I was flying over a river and ahead was a water fall. I was asking my father where we were going and he said “to God’s path”. I looked left and I saw a dark tall figure and I was staring at him. There it went, Jesus (my Jesus – Adji said) – standing in front of the black figure pointing a direction for us to go. So, we continued our journey through air.
It took us aside the river with two water falls. No way out! My father did not know what to do, but my legs took me to the left side of the water falls on our left side and we went up and met a desert. We kept going and saw an oasis and a palace. We went into the palace and I saw another palace inside. Arabic people are along my side. We entered the next palace and we saw ocean. My dad said that’s it, child. That’s our journey. A sun set was in front of us.

Then, mas Adji called me back. Wake up and tell me.

Phew!!! What a read ha??